Adoption is simply an act of parenting someone’s child and raising them as one’s own. It is done to create a family whether it is by a same-sex couple to raise a child like their own or by a woman to overcome health problems due to pregnancy.
A child is placed in a loving and supportive family unit to grow and develop. If the foster family is well equipped with the necessary knowledge about child rearing, nurturing, teaching and education, a child can grow into a very well-rounded adult.
Parents become more emotionally, psychologically, and physically capable of raising children because of adoption. Adoption may seem like an easy way to become parents but it is difficult work and takes many many years and much hard work, care, and understanding.
There are two sides of the adoption story. Adoption is both wonderful and heart wrenching. For some it is very overwhelming. For others it is a positive experience. Everyone is different and some do not enjoy it as much as others. A bad experience may take many years of inner reflection to get past. Adoption is not the same for everyone and each person has to decide for themselves what they want out of the adoption process. People decide on a baby for adoption for various reasons, some of the main reasons being parents not being able to give birth or abort their baby for delivery complications.
Other options that parents can include surrogacy or IVF. A brief history of adoption: Though the formal term adoption was coined much later the practice has been common since ancient times. Adoption was done to endure a smooth transition of power and looking back at the history, precisely ancient Rome.
Many of the rulers of ancient Rome were the adopted sons of the previous emperor and children who were disposed of by their parents. Families with no sons resorted to adopting a male child for the sake of fulfilling rituals and rites that are to be performed by a son in the south Asian region of China and India.
Trends of adoptions these days have frequently changed for the better.
Types of adoption:
When thinking of growing through adoption, there are various ways for a family to choose from. Private adoption is one of the most common paths opted by adopted families and here the birth parents and adoptive parents meet each other. It is mostly made through agencies and suitable arrangement for conditions of adoption is possible. There are other options such as adoption by a private agency as well as adoption through a public and licensed adoption agency in India. Adoption is nothing less than a blessing and an inspiration for those with children in their lives. It is not easy at all but in fact, very rewarding to be a parent through adoption. Adoption will be open and both the birth parents and adoptive parents can communicate with the child freely or closed. Confidentiality is maintained between birth parents and semi-open adoptions are also permitted for selective adoption rules. Other types of adoption include International adoption, special needs, transracial adoption, and foster care. The three parties are mainly affected adopted child, adopted parents, and birth family.
The birth family is not the child’s family but it’s important to bear in mind that the birth family and the adoptive family play a huge role in the child’s life. So it is very important that you keep the boundaries and mutual understanding intact. Adoption is a complicated process and you need to learn how to take care of the relationship with the birth family as well as you need to respect the boundaries set by the adoptive parents as well as the child.
There are no binding rules in adoption and there are certain valid reasons that a birth mother may consent to an adoption. The practice of keeping the birth parents in the dark is taboo in the adoption process, which is how all adoptions are done now.
Decisions must be made carefully as it can be emotionally charged and can bring up strong emotions on both sides.
Time is of essence in adoption procedures. There is a constant need for commitment from the family and the adoptive parents to make a good match and maintain the relationship. And this is always tricky to manage and sometimes results in a family becoming estranged to each other as the relationship has matured, which was unexpected.
You should look for an adoption agency that offers a transparent procedure with flexible timelines. They will look out for your needs and help you get the process started. The best part of the process is that adoption is a win-win situation for all the parties involved, be it the parents, the adoptive parents or the birth parents. In the first six months, you will be required to make a thorough inquiry and due diligence that includes face-to-face and email communication with the birth family.
This means that you will be able to talk to the birth parents, ask them about themselves and their hopes and dreams for the child and other related matters.
Pros of adoption:
In this article, we are going to have a look first at the pros of adoption and these are as follows:
1) Child in need is provided by loving home:
This is a common reason given by parents who choose adoption. As a child who needs a loving home to grow up in, adoption is the right step to take. The child doesn’t need a home to grow up in. But he/she still needs the love and care and thus an adoptive family is very much a necessity in this case. The child is given a new life and is being raised by a family who is eager to take care of them and make their dreams come true. Adoption is a happy ending to a sad story.
Many children who are adopted are a bit older and are being rescued from dysfunctional homes and not all children who are adopted are newborn babies.
Children who end up in the foster
The care system has been many times either abandoned, fostered, or abused and these children initially end up in the state’s care and are placed into group homes until a foster home can be found for them. The child’s parents are asked to fulfill certain requirements that will allow them to regain custody of their children and once placed in the foster care system.
Some biological parents complete that requirement and others don’t and the feeling of knowing you are providing the children from a stable trauma. On the other hand, loving home can be one of the best feelings one could ever experience in this lifetime.
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2) The child is now part of your family and you are part of his/her family:
In adoption, the family is provided with a child and the adoptive parents become the parents of this child and the family is now a bigger one, with the inclusion of this child. And as the adopted child becomes an adult, they may want to get in touch with their biological parents as well. The family is the one who grows together and develops the bonds that tie the family together.
3)The birth family is given a life they never thought could happen:
There is a feeling of being blessed to be given such a wonderful gift that no one ever thought could be given to a person. The bond between the birth parents and the adoptive parents is often strengthened, they are the ones who know the joys of having a child and those feelings are felt as well by the child. As the child grows up, the adoptive parents would be asked to take care of the child on a permanent basis. And the ultimate goal is to keep the child as a part of the family. In reality, it is the adoptive family who takes care of the child, bringing up the child to have good values, helping the child with his/her schoolwork, helping the child succeed in life and above all, providing them with love and care. This is the ultimate outcome of adoption.
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4) Less chance of poverty:
Adoption secures the future of the birth mother. It also provides the child free from poverty as it gives the child a new family that takes care of his or her needs and provides a good life. On the other hand, it also allows the birth mother to reach a higher education level. It in turn also reduces the risk of slipping into poverty.
5) It is the most reliable and trustworthy way of providing a child a loving and secure life:
If an adoptee wants to know more about his/her origins, they are welcome to do so. In some cases, they may be willing to meet the birth family if there is a mutual desire. In some cases, it’s preferred that the adoptee does not meet their biological family as that can create a whole other set of complications.
6) Adoption gives the adoptive family a bigger family:
There is a feeling of having a bigger family with the adoption and an openness of everyone to care and love this child. Adoption can happen to anyone as it doesn’t mean being chosen but it means allowing an opportunity to love another person. This is the idealistic option to ensure that children are welcomed into a family and cared for unconditionally.
7) You are contributing to a noble cause:
Most often the birth parents don’t give up their children because they have no other options. They are often forced into giving up their children due to extreme poverty. This doesn’t happen often and maybe only a few percent of people who want to give up their children give up their children due to personal circumstances. Many people want to give their children a better life. So it is with love, the birth parents gave the child an opportunity to make a living. And giving this opportunity to an innocent child is one of the best gifts that a person can give to the world.
It is also felt that the acceptance of children into a new family prevents them from going to the foster system, which is often not a happy place for children. The goal is not for the child to become a foster child, but to become a happy child who lives a peaceful life and lives a productive life. ~~
8) Be an active part of your child life:
Semi-open adoption or open allows the birth mother to still a part of the child’s life and the mother can receive emails, photos, and phone calls or even they may even get to meet their child. It also gives immense pleasure to see their child being raised with love, care, and security.
9) Increased opportunities for the adopted child:
Many children who were limited within four walls of orphanages become exposed to the outer world with endless opportunities and children are put up for adoption by their biological parents. It may be due to personal reasons that may include financial difficulties and the adoption of a child by a new family that gives him a pleasant environment. The curiosity of a child is nurtured by proper education and upbringing which may have been difficult for the biological parent.
10) become aware of different culture:
You will get to experience their traditions and culture if you are adopting a child of different ethnicity and culture. Participating in things may bring the children a little closer to the child. It also helps the child make a smoother transition and will also help them feel welcome in your life. Watching documentaries on the culture and tradition of a child’s place can be fun for the whole family and it also includes reading books and participating in events that revolve around the adopted child culture they came from.
Cons of adoption:
Now it’s time to switch towards the cons of adoption and these are as follows: 1) Dealing with various emotions: In the case of birth parents, it also includes mainly dealing with various emotions such as guilt, grief, and denial regarding adoption that leads to some serious mental problems. In cases of closed adoption, it also lacks information about the child. It also includes the inability to initiate a conversation with their children. It also leads to them feeling like they are abandoned with their child.
2) Lack of communication:
As explained in one of the cons, there is not much of a communication or relationship to maintain between the adopters and the birth parents. It may be due to a need for privacy to preserve family relationships or the birth parents do not want to have a closer relationship because of feelings of pain and grief that may be coming up.
3) Misunderstanding between the adopted child and their birth parents:
In the open adoption adoption, the child tends to understand the situation and to understand the origins of their new family but in closed adoption, it is a little harder.
Many birth parents who are not aware of the true history of their child may feel worried or misunderstood about their new family, especially if they are kept in the dark. Many times, the birth parents are not involved in the adoptions and have no idea of the future of the child. The adopters feel worried or misunderstood about the current situation of their child. ~~
4) Loss of identity:
It’s extremely sad that we sometimes feel, we don’t really belong to our biological family or the true heritage and to preserve the birth family’s identity, they adopt children. This may be due to lack of information, illiteracy and the adoption process of the child is not organised and things have not reached a reasonable level. ~~ ~~
5) That child is not your child: ~~
One of the common misconception about adoption is that the adopted child is not your child and it’s the adoptive parents who have adopted a child. Actually, the adoptive parents have not only adopted the child, they are the ones who are responsible for the upbringing of the child. ~~
As time passes, they may show signs of dependency on the adoptive parents. As they age, they may even consider the adoptive parents as their parents as they feel adopted from the time they were young. The adoption could be affecting the true identity of the child and the adoptive parents are the ones responsible for this.
Adoption is a beautiful thing and many of us admire the courage it takes to make this move, hoping that they too would be blessed with children of their own.
Undoubtedly, there are also many parents who are eager to adopt a child, but sadly, they may have a tough time finding a child that fits into their lifestyle or their criteria.
Birth parents need to find good parents who will treat them as equals and understand their cultural backgrounds and personal choices and they can’t do this by themselves. They need a social worker who will organise the adoption to match the adopters with birth parents.
Adoptive parents should also adopt the child or children into their family as equal to their own children.
In my opinion, it’s not a life-changing decision. Instead, it should be a beautiful journey of love.
6) Difficult to adjust within the new family:
It is quite difficult to learn to adjust to a new family. It can be with them at every step of life mainly for the adopted child. The adopted child may also feel rejected or unworthy as compared with their adoptive children and this sense of insecurity will leads to loneliness and depression for the child.
Adoption has helped many children find their forever family and it is the same for many adoptive parents too. However, there are some who may feel sad, lonely and not ready for this lifestyle as they feel it will affect the relationship with their biological children or other family members.
In the modern generation, adoption is seen as the most formal and illegal manner with most adoptive parents as a hassle and this is even more common when it comes to international adoptions. Many parents are required to fly in or out of the country not only this takes a prolonged amount of time and it also adds to the total cost. Every adoption is different in its way. To ensure that adoption is successful all parties must be affected by the adoption. They are also well aware of the pros and cons of adoption.
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